Armstrong Wins 44th Tour De France

Yup, that wasn’t a mis-read for the title.  Below is a little sattire about Lance winning and winning and winnning…

EURO DISNEY, FRANCE, July 29, 2071 – Lance Armstrong wrapped up the overall title today in the 2071 Tour de France, and increased his record of Tour trophies to forty four.  In what has largely become a non-event due to its predictability, Armstrong is certain to win the now one-man race by simply finishing.

Since 2049, other pro riders have refused to enter the event, both out of fear and respect for the aging Armstrong.
“He wins anyway if we are there, so why race?” says Thrzx Novowels of the Latvian squad Knrpt Wsdjg (formerly Bvrd Ptrsjm).  “It is futile.  I’d rather focus on races where I have a chance of winning.  With Lance on the start list, forget it.  How would it look to lose to some old guy with a drool cup?”

In 2052, the finish was moved away from the city center to Euro Disney after promoters relented to mounting pressure from Parisian officials.  “We are not going to shut down the Champs-Élysées so one goddam American can parade around on his bike around for a few hours,” says Paris mayor, Francois Routin.

Read the rest here (it’s worth it!).